var today = new Date();
var day = today.getDate();
var month = today.getMonth();
var daystodate;
var week;
var rand1 = Math.random();
var title = "Senior Moment: ";

/*
switch(month)
{
case 0: daystodate = 0; break;
case 1: daystodate = 31; break;
case 2: daystodate = 59; break;
case 3: daystodate = 90; break;
case 4: daystodate = 120; break;
case 5: daystodate= 151; break;
case 6: daystodate = 181; break;
case 7: daystodate = 212; break;
case 8: daystodate = 243; break;
case 9: daystodate = 273; break;
case 10: daystodate = 304; break;
case 11: daystodate = 334; break;
}

daystodate = daystodate + day;
week = daystodate/7;
week = Math.floor(week);
*/


rand1 = rand1 * 62;
week = Math.ceil(rand1);

switch(week)
{
case 0: document.write(title + "Old age is when you know all the answers but no one bothers to ask you the questions."); break;
case 1: document.write(title + "Regular naps prevent old age - especially if you take them while you are driving."); break;
case 2: document.write(title + "What others see as baldness, I still see as a wide parting."); break;
case 3: document.write(title + "Age doesn't always bring wisdom.  A lot of the time age turns up by itself."); break;
case 4: document.write(title + "Nature always has a reason.  Women over fifty don't have children because they would put them down and forget where they left them."); break;
case 5: document.write(title + "Time may be a great healer, but it's a terrible beautician."); break;
case 6: document.write(title + "You know you are elderly when they discontinue your blood type."); break;
case 7: document.write(title + "The three ages of man: youth, age, and 'You're looking wonderful!'"); break;
case 8: document.write(title + "You can live without sex but not without glasses."); break;
case 9: document.write(title + "A man is as old as he looks - and if he only looks ... he's old."); break;
case 10: document.write(title + "Every year it gets harder to make ends meet ... ends like hands and feet."); break;
case 11: document.write(title + "Age is a high price to pay for maturity."); break;
case 12: document.write(title + "Retirement - twice the husband and half the income."); break;
case 13: document.write(title + "The one sure way for an old man to find his lost youth is to stop his allowance."); break;
case 14: document.write(title + "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck and jumping to conclusions."); break;
case 15: document.write(title + "The only real advantage of old age is that it lets you sing while you brush your teeth."); break;
case 16: document.write(title + "By the time people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all."); break;
case 17: document.write(title + "By the time we've made it, we've had it."); break;
case 18: document.write(title + "Now my memory's beginning to go, the only thing I retain is water."); break;
case 19: document.write(title + "A hair in the head is worth two in the brush."); break;
case 20: document.write(title + "These days Happy Hour is a nap."); break;
case 21: document.write(title + "The only sport left for me now is hunting for my glasses."); break;
case 22: document.write(title + "Parents should be kind to their children for one simple reason: they choose your care home."); break;
case 23: document.write(title + "At my age everything has either dried up or leaks."); break;
case 24: document.write(title + "Over the hill?  I don't remember any hill."); break;
case 25: document.write(title + "If I'd known how much fun grandchildren would be, I'd have had them first."); break;
case 26: document.write(title + "Experience is an awful teacher who ends up sending horrifying bills."); break;
case 27: document.write(title + "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."); break;
case 28: document.write(title + "Nostalgic?  How?  I can't remember a thing."); break;
case 29: document.write(title + "More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't so busy providing for it."); break;
case 30: document.write(title + "You have to be fifty-nine to believe a man is at his best at sixty."); break;
case 31: document.write(title + "The first day of your retirement is the first day of the rest of your savings."); break;
case 32: document.write(title + "The old don't have to worry about avoiding temptation.  When you're old temptation avoids you."); break;
case 33: document.write(title + "I've reached the age when I need my hearing aid and false teeth before I can ask where I left my glasses."); break;
case 34: document.write(title + "I know my secrets are safe with my friends, because at our age they can't remember them either."); break;
case 35: document.write(title + "Old age is all about losing your marvels."); break;
case 36: document.write(title + "Age tiptoes in on little crow's feet."); break;
case 37: document.write(title + "You know you're getting on when the only whistles you get come from the kettle."); break;
case 38: document.write(title + "The good news about middle age is that the glass is still half full.  The bad news is that before you know it your teeth will be soaking in it"); break;
case 39: document.write(title + "A sure sign of old age is waking up feeling like the morning after the night before and realising you haven't been anywhere."); break;
case 40: document.write(title + "The face is familiar but I can't remember my name."); break;
case 41: document.write(title + "You know you are old when you bend down to tie your shoelaces and start wondering what else you could do while you're down there."); break;
case 42: document.write(title + "These days it's easy for doctors.  Either it's something I have to live with or something I have to live without."); break;
case 43: document.write(title + "Growing old is compulsory.  Growing up is optional."); break;
case 44: document.write(title + "When you're elderly you don't need people to remind you how old you are ... you have a bladder to do that for you."); break;
case 45: document.write(title + "I only need glasses when I'm driving my car ... and trying to find where I parked it."); break;
case 46: document.write(title + "You know you're getting old when it takes longer to rest than to get tired."); break;
case 47: document.write(title + "I don't feel my age.  In fact until mid-day I don't feel anything at all.  Then it's time for my nap."); break;
case 48: document.write(title + "You know you're old when the candles cost more than the birthday cake."); break;
case 49: document.write(title + "How do you know when you're old?  You have more fingers than real teeth."); break;
case 50: document.write(title + "By the time you've accumulated enough knowledge to get by, you're too old to remember it."); break;
case 51: document.write(title + "Signs of old age?  There are three: loss of memory and ... I can't remember the other two."); break;
case 52: document.write(title + "The one thing that is wrong with the younger generation is that I'm not in it."); break;
case 53: document.write(title + "It never worries me when I get a little lost.  All I do is change where I'm going."); break;
case 54: document.write(title + "You know you're getting old when everything hurts - and what doesn't hurt doesn't work."); break;
case 55: document.write(title + "Living to 100 has one advantage - no peer pressure."); break;
case 56: document.write(title + "Progress was OK when I was young, but now it's gone on for too long."); break;
case 57: document.write(title + "Growing old is when you hear the snap, crackle and pop before you even get down to breakfast."); break;
case 58: document.write(title + "Old age?  The time of life when actions creak louder than words."); break;
case 59: document.write(title + "If age is all in the mind, how come it keeps creeping down into the body?"); break;
case 60: document.write(title + "You know you're getting old when it takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump."); break;
case 61: document.write("Senior moments don't so much take us by surprise as shuffle up unannounced."); break;
case 62: document.write("Befuddled ... bemused ... bewildered ... just another Senior Moment!"); break;
default: document.write(" ");
}